Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
