I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
