You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize