i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
