I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
