i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Come see our sink grown plant.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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