So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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