Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
So many bounce houses so little time
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Randomize
