you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
