Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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