I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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