Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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