The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
