Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Randomize
