A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
