So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
