I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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