SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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