So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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