I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
