Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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