oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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