meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Randomize