Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
