Three words: puerto rican gang bang
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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