Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Randomize
