Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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