If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
