The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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