Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
