and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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