Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
