porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
