she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
