Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
