the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize