so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
