Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize