I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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