Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
