FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
