I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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