I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
