I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize