Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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