The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
