I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
