Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
