I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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