dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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