The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
