Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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