and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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