Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
