I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
