He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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