Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
