did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so let's talk penis.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
