We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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