he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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