i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
