i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
