my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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