so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
then he tried to convert me to islam
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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