is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
