Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
