She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
