I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize