i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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