Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My ass is underappreciated
Randomize
