just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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