Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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