When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
