After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
