just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
