But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
