So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
