sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
