I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
